I was listening to the radio on my way to work last night. They were talking about the Kardashians and the alleged favouritism the girl’s mother has toward Kim.
Then they threw out the question, do you have a favourite child?
I was shocked with the response.
And then I wondered whether it was shocking that I was shocked :/
Does that make sense?
Basically a bunch of parents called through to brag about the fact that they have a favourite child. Comments like this were thrown around:
“Number 3 is my favourite, he is just so much sweeter than them”.
“Think of it this way, if both of your children were in trouble and you could only save one, everyone would have one”
I just can’t believe that parents seriously feel this way. And they were laughing, like it was so funny, they’d had discussions with their other children and confirmed they had a favourite (which wasn’t them).
I can’t begin to imagine what this would do to one’s self esteem. I don’t know if it’s cliche but I don’t have a favourite, I love all my children beyond words.
And yes I have thought about what I would do if both my kids were in trouble, I thought long and hard about it when I read the awful stories of real life families in this situation when the floods swept through Queensland and I couldn’t decided. I couldn’t even weigh into the debate in my head.
What I do know is that I love all my children and I honestly believe equally. I do however believe I love them for different reasons. They are all individuals with their own personalities, and it’s the different things they say and do that has me wrapped around their fingers.
I love the fact that my son Tom is so affectionate, he will kiss me randomly and tell me I am the best mum and that he loves me.
I love that my baby Zander has a goofy smile that just makes you want to squeeze the crap out of him.
I love that my daughter and I are so much alike that we can do stuff together and really enjoy one another’s company without words, just by exchanging smiles.
I love them all, I hope I never have to choose between them, and I just can’t wrap my head around how anyone would have a favourite child.
Tell me, Do you have a favourite child? How does this make you feel? How does it make your children feel?Just wondering.
Mandy.
Joining in over at Diary of a SAHM
I would never say I had a favourite Mandy but I certainly like one more than the other on certain days. One might be just having an off day and the other is a little easier to deal with or just more affectionate, or visa versa. I thought of that very thing when we went through the floods. I imagined myself trying to save my 2 kids. I couldn't save one and not the other. I'd do everything in my power to save their lives, while giving mine up. It's a heart wrenching thing to think about.
ReplyDeleteThose photos of your kids are just adorable.
Anne xx
I feel the same way as Anne. I love all of my children equally, I could never, ever choose one over the others. However, there are days when one will be easier (or harder) than the others. My eldest daughter at the moment is going through a very difficult stage. She needs a lot of love, support and firm boundaries. At the moment she is harder to put up with than the other three. It doesn't make me love her any less, but it does frustrate me.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't say I have a favourite either. I connect with each kid differently. I have four, so each one is special and unique and drive me crazy in their own way!
ReplyDeleteI have heard a similar thing on the radio a few years ago and was shocked at the responses too. People rang up to brag about their favourite child.
ReplyDeleteGrowing up, it was often thought I was the favourite among my brothers and sister but it was never said out loud by the parentals. I don't know if it was because I was the eldest or the quietest or whatever other possible reason, but my siblings were always convinced I was the favourite. To be honest, I didn't like it, I like everyone to be treated the same and it was like I had to be perfect all the time while the others copped trouble etc. That being said, I did have my moments and got seriously busted while I was out at Homebake (annual outdoor concert at the Domain in Sydney) one year. All for not calling to say where I was.
Anyway, I now have 3 children and I can honestly say I don't have a favourite. They are all unique and I love them for different reasons, so how can you compare? If I was in a situation that required saving my kids, I too would do anything in my power to save all of them. I couldn't choose one over another.
Firstly I'm shocked that you were listening to the radio. At work. Haha!
ReplyDeleteSecondly, I think sometimes I have favourites. When Piper is being possessed by the devil, Lily is my favourite. When Lily is possessed by the devil, Piper is my favourite! But I never tell them this.
What I tell them is - Piper is my favourite 4 year old & Lily is my favourite two year old! And this is only when Piper asks me who is my favourite!
I'm like Anne and Lene - my favorite changes on a daily basis. I love them all equally, but one day to the next one of the boys' personality might really be shining through, or Roo might be having a snuggly cute day, and I think: "Awww, you're the best!" - but then five minutes later another one of them could kiss me with no prompting and it's all changed again.
ReplyDeleteLike everyone else i dont have a favourite child, I love them all equally.
ReplyDeleteI am slightly shocked that people can actually call up a radio station and say it out loud for all to hear. :(
Yeah I'm with the others; somedays I might like one more than another, but I love them the same.
ReplyDeleteThe thought of having to pick one in a life or death situation is just sickening. I'd rather die myself cause i couldn't live with that decision
Yep, I'm with Jess. I could never imagine having to choose in a life/death situation. Devastating!
ReplyDeletegreat topic and i loved the photos of your children on the chair!
ReplyDeleteMy three are all different and all lovely and all turdy a lot of the time, so whom ever is less feral on some days I like them a bit more. But each thing that makes them different is too gorgeous and special.
I met a man who has five kids and at that time I only had one. i asked him how can you love them all, how is their room. He said that there would always be room because with each child his heart grew bigger. I thought that was lovely and he was a really nice man too.
Glad to people are on the same waive length as me. Don't get me wrong, we all have our days when our kids one by one do our head in. Get that.
ReplyDeleteBut Gemma it is so true isn't it, you always have enough room in your heart for the next one that comes along.
You've expressed my thoughts exactly. No favourites, but definitely favourite things about each of them. That's the best way - you would hate to have a 'blanket' approach to parents. I love them each individually for all that they are and sometimes for all they are not. x
ReplyDeleteLove this post Mandy - and so interesting to read the responses. I wrote about this last week as I was reflecting on my experience having heard from so many mums that having a favourite is normal and then being surprised to find it wasn't the case for me.
ReplyDeleteI too heard this on my way home from work. I was surprised what I heard. The mothers and fathers so open about who was there favourite. My son piped up and asked me who was my favourite. And I, like most responses here told him I don't have a favourite but love he and his sister for who they are.
ReplyDeleteI love this post Mandy! You have expressed it so well. I love how you talk so affectionately about the bond you have with each of your children. Beautiful!
ReplyDeleteI've only got one so he's my favourite for now but if we're ever able to have a second then I'm sure I'll just have two favourites - I also can't imagine how all those radio callers could just say stuff like that! Bizarre.
ReplyDeleteVisiting from the Rewind.
I met a woman once who told me within the first five minutes of our acquaintance that she much preferred her son. I just felt so sorry for her daughter. I have two boys. They have equal shares in my heart.
ReplyDeleteVisiting from the Rewind.
I remember worrying just before my second son was born about how my first son was currently my absolute priority and I didn't know how having a second child would fit with that (I blame the hormones!). Then number 2 came along and somehow they just both become the most important things in the world. Simple!
ReplyDeleteIt is so sad that those parents on the radio probably just haven't thought through what they are saying but could really be affecting their kids.
We only have the one darling daughter and I love her so much! I cannot imagine people having a favorite but know that it happens. I always thought my sister was daddy's favorite. I think it was because they had the same temperment and shared the same hobbies and interests. We talk about adopting since I cannot have children. I think about this now and worry it might not be a good idea.
ReplyDeleteThey are all my favourites! They all drive me equally nuts and make my heart sing. Thanks for sharing this post with us via the Weekend Rewind x
ReplyDeleteI don't have a favourite, they are all unique in there own ways, some may be harder to handle than others but they are the ones who truly teach us patience.
ReplyDeleteI only have one child so far but I can't imagine having a favourite child.
ReplyDeleteI did read once that a mother has a favourite child but a good mother doesn't show anyone who her favourite child is.
Rewinding with the Multiple Mum
I don't have any favourites and hate the thought that parents do. It's hard enough being a kid these days without knowing that Mum or Dad might like your brother or sister more than you.
ReplyDeleteI love my children equally, all 5 of them but they have little things/personalities/quirks that I love them individually for, which is a big difference.
That's it exactly! I love my kids differently, because they are different people. But a favourite? No way.
ReplyDeleteI remember this post! Still no favourites here.
ReplyDeleteVisiting via the Rewind.
I'm with Al (comment above). It's a great post! x
ReplyDeleteI read this one before too. I don't do favourites either. Thanks for Rewinding x
ReplyDeleteI always thought my brother was the favourite child. My Mother would always tell me not to be silly, that when I was a mother myself, I would realize that mothers love all of their children equally. Clearly and sadly, this is not always the case. I now have four children. My precious, first born daughter is kind and sensitive, has a heart of gold, a head in the clouds. She cries at sad movies(along with me)and rescues sick animals. Miss 6 took the longest time to bring about, after over 5 years of trying and a misscarriage. She is self-possessed(and absorbed!), clever, shrewd and always up to mischief. She has the most gorgeous, cheeky grin and you usually can't help but forgive her misdeeds! She has the loudest scream when angry or hurt! Miss 4 was a surprise, conceived 2 weeks after another misscarriage, and the hardest delivery, resulting in my first cesarean. She stirred up the most protective 'Mother Lioness' feelings of protectiveness with the comments from my relatives(oh, we were praying for a boy this time). DON'T EVER treat any of my children like a 'spare wheel'! She finds humour in everything, is naturally funny, a merry, sunny, contented, independent child, who is like a breath of fresh air... Master 4 was a surprise, conceived whilst on the pill and still breast feeding Miss 4. He is the son I never thought I'd have. The most affectionate and sensitive of my kids. I didn't know if I'd have any idea what to do with a boy, but he is the most 'settled' of my children, very easy going(you have to be with four mothers!), happy to play with his cars for hours. He is super hero mad and loves everything that drives, flies or floats(it is in-built!)but also loves to sit and watch Fireman Sam(his name is Samuel)and makes up his own games. He loves to 'fix' things and is mine and Daddy's 'little helper'.
ReplyDeleteAll of my children are precious, amazing, astounding, gorgeous little individuals. Each one of them instills more love and protectiveness in me than I would have believed possible before I had children. I could never choose between them and hope I never have to ! In the case of an emergency, I think it would just be 'grab the closest'! I pity the child of a parent who tells them they are not their favourite. What a terrible thing to place on a child. I agree with the 'You are my favourite 4 year old, 5 year old, etc'. I say things like that all the time to my kids, so they know how much I love them, each incredible little individual.
trulore@dcsi.net.au
Said so beautifully. You should print that off and give it to each of your children when they are older to show that they were all loved for the unique qualities, that whilst you loved them all, there were many different reasons. Just lovely.
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