My Healthy Battle

I fear we all have our weaknesses, a battle we feel we just can't win.

I have a situation

I want to be healthy

But yet, I can't stop sabotaging myself and eating crap.

That's it.

But it's not a case of that's it, it's actually a major deal.

Pre kids, when I worked 9 till 5, I ate pretty healthy

I've never been a huge fruit person, but otherwise I've been pretty healthy.

Unfortunately my biggest weakness has been an addiction to coke zero

But even that was manageable, back then.

After the birth of my first daughter I started working 'after hours'

Take away was common, a pizza here, a burger there......

A Coke from the vending machine, a packet of chips..... a Mars bar.

Now, three children later I am really struggling.

My clothes are tight

My skin is in poor condition

I'm always tired

This winter I have been under the weather A LOT.

I want to eat healthy, I want to be healthy

So what is stopping me?

I don't have the answer to this.

I feel like I can relate to those people who tell weight loss stories of emotional barriers they need to over come.

I find myself saying every night, 'Tomorrow, tomorrow is going to be the day I turn the page'

And somehow........

I'm hungry, I need a snack, I crave a coke,

I simply cannot control my emotions and I give in.

I am not really liking myself very much right now, for being in this state.

I've never been here before.

I need to dig myself out and then I need to ensure I do not walk this path again.

I understand the importance of setting a good example for my children

I know what I need to do, but I still don't know how to do it.

Anyhow, I'm home from work, it's the middle of the night,

I will go to bed now and hope that tomorrow will be the day, I turn a corner, find that something within myself that I need to be a healthy, stronger person. 

Someone I can respect.

Maybe that will be tomorrow.


Mandy