Thursday, October 6, 2011
The Scales are Tipped
I feel like my life is spiralling out of control.
I know I need to reel it in, but for the first time this year, I honestly feel like I can't.
Everyone needs me. My commitment to others is too great, yet my commitment is to my family, how can that be too great?
I'm struggling to juggle a job that is overwhelming, I'm questioning, can I really do this part time in the the evening, but yet leaving is not an option.
I'm struggling to juggle my husbands work commitments, with mine, with school integration, dance concerts. I can't walk away from any of it.
I don't want it to get me down, but I'd be lying if I said it doesn't.
Some would suggest Blogging is just another commitment. But it's not, not in my eyes anyway. It's time is flexible, and a release, something that is solely mine, for me.
And then there is my fitness. 2011 is meant to be about running for me. But I have not run since the City2Surf mid August, OK I have been sick, but I'm now struggling to get back into it.
I went to the gym yesterday for the first time in over a month, but again, all the 'must do' commitments come first and then I either have children hanging off my leg, or the gym is closed.
Why are there so many things to juggle as a mother, everything I do, requires compromise from somewhere else, letting someone down, including myself.
I know I'm being all ranty, but this is how I am feeling right now. I know I need to get on with it, keep chipping away at it.
I know the scales will tip in the other direction, but this will not happen on it's own. So I will go now, and continue working on my 'to do' list, and hope that with each task I cross off a small weight will lift off of my shoulders.