I am an introvert and I'm not fond of the stereotype.
I wish I could be outgoing, not worry about what other people thought of me, not question myself.
I hate the fact that I have inhibitions.
inhibitionsplural of in·hi·bi·tion (Noun)
| Noun: |
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I have a great ability to 'fake it' when it comes to my inhibitions. Not always, but often I can convince people I'm comfortable in my space, comfortable in my conversation. When all along hoping that I'll be liked, accepted.
Never are my inhibitions more obvious than when I am around a bunch of bloggers. Introvertedly watching relationships and friendships form. All the while standing around mute, struggling to find the words, the ability to join in conversation.
So why then do I throw myself into these environments?
I love blogging, I love the environment, I love the opportunity. It might take me a bit longer to meet people, it might take me a bit longer to build relationships, but I have all the time in the world, there is no deadline.
So why is it that when I am in a place where no one knows me, a place I can walk away from, I have the ability to find my release.
What am I talking about?
When I was on my honeymoon in Perth I wore bikini's. I wouldn't do that at home, but then in Perth no body knows me.
When I lived in England I went on a weekend away with the family I worked for. I had a free night and wanted to make the most of it. So I took myself off to a night club and and danced, all by myself. Didn't bother me, not like I'm going to be spending my days there anytime soon.
Why am I afraid of the consequence?
It's only the consequence of being myself.
Am I alone on this? Do you let your inhibitions control how you behave? And do they change if there are no consequences?
Mandy
PS. Have you entered out Lenards Giveaway on Facebook. Simply leave a comment on the wall telling me what your favourite chicken dish is. I need inspiration people!
I love that holiday/foreign place freedom.
ReplyDeleteHow energy sapping is overthinking self-consciousness????
I'm definitely held back by my inhibitions - but slowly taking greater risks in everyday situations as I, ahem, age.
:-) xx
I SO relate to this post. The inhibitions, the 'faking it,' the inability to feel part of something that looks so easy to everyone else. And yes, to being free and uninhibited in a strange place. It makes me think of when I was a child, and a LOT less inhibited, and I used to sing solos. I sang all over the place, several times at the Sydney Opera House, and I wasn't that nervous. But when I was asked to sing in a local school musical, in front of an audience that knew me instead of strangers, I was paralysed with fear.
ReplyDeleteI am so held back by inhibitions, I relax heaps more when away from my normal world, maybe it's that my brain is in holiday mood too.
ReplyDeleteI am the King of Inhibitions. I love the me that I am when I am off in far off places, doing the things that I love doing, living in the moment and enjoying everything that is around me. Why can't I be that same person in my real life? Oh that's right, I have a family and responsibilities and expectations and a role to play and a life of doing the right thing for everyone all the time to maintain. Slowly trying to merge the two worlds and hope to find the real me somewhere inside.
ReplyDeleteGood luck re-shaping your inhibitions. I have discovered that the only real consequences are the ones I impose upon myself but they are still significant enough to slow or prevent change.
I think everyone feels this way to some degree - extroverts are just much better at the faking it bit? The 'feel the fear and do it anyway'.
ReplyDeleteI was quite young when I realised that no one was particularly interested in what I was doing. They were all too busy worrying about themselves. It was very liberating. Now I just get on with the business of being myself.
Good luck shaping these thought for yourself, Mandy. I think you've got absolutely everything going for you! x