Like any woman anticipating life as a mother, I had expectations.
You know the, 'my children will ....... my children won't .........' expectations.
And then I had babies.
Three to be exact.
My expectations of the mother I thought I would be are all but gone.
I thought I'd restrict TV time.
I thought I'd make all their meals from scratch.
I thought I'd avoid take out.
I thought I'd be in charge.
But in reality you can never predict the life you will lead as a mother.
It's a journey you share in, one that can only be determined by the two of you (or the tribe, if that's the case).
Six and a half years on, my TV is running hot. It's often the only way I can get my children to sit still. Trying to entertain them for a full day is hard.
There are a lot of hours in the day.
My kids don't go without, I provide activities, I try and provide stimulation, but I am OK with the fact that they will need (I will need them) to pull up a bean bag and chill out.
Further more my kids are in love with the Wii, their DSi and the iPad. I just didn't anticipate that I'd go there, especially with my 2 year old. But I have learn't that this is simply the way the world is moving.
They want to be like their peers and own a Wii. I'm sure there will be plenty of things I won't let my kids do 'just because everyone else does' but for the most part you just want them to feel normal, like everyone else.
As for my youngest, I know he is too young, I put it down to the pitfalls of number 3. He is a stubbon little bugger and simply wants to do what his big brother and sister do. I am amazed every time I watch him navigate his way around the Wii or iPad.
As for food, really it's about control, I've tried to control my children, dictate what they will and won't eat. But it get's you no where. Tears, anger, stress, is all I get.
Again, I do have limitations, I don't feed my kids junk food all the time, but I do surprise myself at the amount of rubbish they can consume.
They are snackers, biscuits would have to be the highest consumed food in our home. It's a constant battle to offer healthy alternatives, you win some you lose some. I try for middle ground but I'm no saint.
So I'm not the mother I expected to be, however I'm comfortable (most the time) with the mother I've become.
Are you the mother you expected to be?
What's the one thing you never thought you'd do as a mother?
Mandy
I completely get you regarding the TV. I was adamant that my children wouldn't watch TV until they were at least 3 or 4, but here I am, pressing play on the DVD remote (actually my son does that, at age 1 and a half), and I leave him there to watch Bananas in Pyjamas. Each episode is exactly 12 minutes long, so I can get dinner prepared, do some house cleaning, whatever, in one or two episodes.
ReplyDeleteAnd he LOVES them.
So I don't care about the TV anymore. Bananas in Pyjamas are very wholesome and lesson learning, and give me some free time to get things done without a toddler pulling at my leg!
Good on you for this post!
I think I've turned out to be the Mother I wanted to be Mandy but I didn't expect to feel the way I do, ie angry when I get to the end of my tether, fearful when I give them independence, sorrow when i discipline them, horror when they've drawn on the walls etc etc. I don't think anyone can predict what it will be like but I wish they did.
ReplyDeleteAnne xx
I thought I would be faaaaaar more patient!!!
ReplyDeleteHey, I worked with children full time and loved it!
Ha ha!!
I am also amazed at the depth of emotion I have felt in the past 4 years. It just can't be described to you in the 'before'.
Fantastic post.
There's far more processed food/snacking in this house than I would have ever envisaged too.
:-) xx
I hear you Mandy, lately I'm struggling to deal with the fact that the realities of Motherhood are in many ways far from what I expected prior to having kids. In some areas I know my expectations were not realistic, and there are so many factors beyond our control - personalities, interests, sibling influences, outside influences. I've found myself relaxing on all of the areas you mentioned, even more with our second child, it's all such a learning curve!
ReplyDeletewhat a honest and inspiring post .... everyday I feel that I am far from the mother I thought I'd be but as you say maybe slowly but surely becoming comfortable with the mother I am :)
ReplyDeleteand hey my kids are alright so ... today I'm letting my self off the however tomorrows another day ;)
I adore your honesty hun, and I do not believe there is any such thing as the perfect mum. You do what you have to do and what you need to do and we can tell just how much you adore your kids and that is all the perfection they need.
ReplyDeleteI always said I would never buy my kids plastic guns - I was adamant about that yet they have the biggest arsenal of nerf guns and cowboy and police guns I have ever seen. lol xx
I had no idea what it would be like. Some days it's an exercise in holding myself together and having a good cry why they should be having a nap. Their ability to destroy things with such was, and in such speed amazes me. And at times it feels like a personal attack, after all, how dare I expect to make beds while they behave themselves. I had no idea how much of parenting would be pure survival. But I'm glad I'm not the only one who sometimes struggles. Hope today is a better day for you :)
ReplyDeleteI don't know what I thought I'd be like as a Mum, I probably thought I'd have more patience which can be so hard some days.
ReplyDeleteThe TV is a big issue in our household. I try not to have it on all day, but when the girls are sick its so easy to stick it on and have them play while watching it...at least there are some good educational shows on there..my eldest loves Mister Maker and Playschool, so do I, as it gives me some great ideas for craft.
Don't be too hard on yourself, I'm sure you are doing a wonderful job.
:) Julie
I think I tick every box you mentioned above FOR SURE! Before I had a baby I swore black and blue that I'd never use dummies..... FAIL! Now I'm completely worried about how I'm... I mean, 'HE' is going to give them up!
ReplyDeleteAnd waaaay too much rubbish is eaten in this house too, but sometimes a biscuit is easier than hours of crying - especially when you're 35 weeks pregnant.
Maybe we should buy Arnotts' shares or something.
Great Post Mandy - thanks for being honest.
After a decade of raising small children I'm not even sure if I can remember how I thought I'd parent. I look at my friend who is going to be a first time mum this year and I don't know that anyone can really describe the experience accurately and if they did, would they really want to know? I guess we all reckon we know what it's going to be like before we do it, our imaginations go to town don't they? But at the end of the day you just don't know what you'll do until you're doing it. I love the fact that when I'm feeling a particularly crap mother, my great friends come around me and remind me that hey they're dressed, they're fed, they're loved and they're safe and that's the main thing!
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Mandy! I said that my children would never watch tv before school - ha! That is the only way I can get my 5 year old to get ready for school.
ReplyDeleteIt's far too easy to make judgments about other people's children before you have children of your own. But when the reality of parenthood sets in, you realise that everyone is just trying to do the best they can. :)
Six weeks in. It's early days... but we have no plans to buy a tv. The two iPads will ensure tv doesn't even get a look in!
ReplyDeleteOh this was so good to read! I am no where near the Mother I thought I would be when my babies were held in my arms.
ReplyDeleteIts amazing how much we think we are going to be when our sweet little bundle is place into our arms after delivery!
I used to the Mother that did everything that I swear I would never do, and was not a good Mum.
Now I am trying to live life differently. Some days are great, other days I am still trying.
Its funny how much our children can teach us about who we are, what we are doing and who we can become!